By Vanessa Ugatti

Let me pose you a little conundrum.  What am I wearing that you can't see? And what are you wearing that I can't see - and I'm not referring to your underwear!

Yes - it's a mask.

The reality is that you've been wearing one for so long now that many of you may not even be aware that you are.   But, if you don't believe me, just think what occurs each time you are faced with a new situation and you feel frightened.  Yes, you may well dress for success, put on your happy, confident face but what is really going on underneath?  The chances are, you are like the swan that appears to glide effortlessly across the water while below the surface he is paddling frantically.

So, how and why did you and I acquire such a device? 

Well, it all happened a very long time ago.   As young children, we quickly learnt how to behave to gain approval from our elders, what was considered to be right, what qualities were revered and generally how to compete with each other.   By the same token, this meant that we also learnt what was considered to be wrong in the eyes of the society in which we were living.  This led us to believe that we needed to create a mechanism to ensure that we were able to fit in and to cover up our so-called faults.   Somehow, we had convinced ourselves that we were not good enough just the way we are or maybe that people wouldn't like us if they knew the real us.   And so the mask was born. 

Although it may not have fitted us very well or felt too comfortable at first, nevertheless, we were prepared to accommodate it, in exchange for the benefits which we thought could be achieved.  And so the mask remained and we may have even come to believe that we are the mask.  But nothing could be further from the truth!

In his book Self Matters, Dr Phillip McGraw says, and I quote "the authentic self is the you that can be found at your absolute core.  It is the part of you that is not defined by your job, or your function or your role.  It is the composite of all your unique gifts, skills, abilities, interests, talents, insights and wisdom.  It is all of your strengths and values that are uniquely yours and need expression, versus what you have been programmed to believe that you are "supposed" to be and do." end of quote.  But only when we admit to ourselves that we are wearing a mask, do we have the choice as to whether to keep it or discard it.

Of course, I would quite understand it if your initial thoughts were ones of scepticism or even sheer terror.   But one thing's for sure, human nature being what it is, I bet right now you're asking yourself all sorts of questions such as:

Do I wear a mask?
If so what sort of mask is it?
Do I wear different masks according to the occasion?
Do I need this mask to survive in public?
Do my wife, husband, colleagues, friends, and the people in this room all wear masks too?
Am I doing what I really want to in life or am I doing it to please others?
And on and on and on.

Stop.  Don't panic.  First of all, if you are asking these questions, it means a) you are human and b) you are on the right track to discovering your true self.  Now, if, on the other hand, you aren't asking yourself any questions, do panic as it could possibly mean that either you are dead or perhaps have come from another planet! 

To illustrate the point to its utmost, I recently watched a programme about 4 men who had all made the same decision to become women.  This was accomplished through hormone therapy and a series of operations including the ultimate one - sexual reassignment surgery, as it is known.  From a very early age, as young as 3, one man said, he had felt like a woman and after years living in a male body, which felt totally alien to him, he decided to have a sex change.  Despite all the physical pain and mental anguish which was endured, the outcome was a very happy woman, who, having spent many years wearing a gigantic mask had finally been able to abandon it, in favour of her true self and live an authentic life as a woman.  This of course took enormous courage, in the face of what is still a prejudiced society.  Nevertheless, if the desire is strong enough, then anything is possible.

Now, I am not asking you to do anything quite as dramatic as have a sex change, unless of course that is your wish.   Happily though, most of us are fortunate enough not to have to cope with such a mammoth challenge.  But what I am asking you, however, is, if you felt even the slightest tingle or twinge when reading this article, to please honour your authentic self by making a date with it to get to know it better.

The purpose of this article was to make you think  - I hope it did.  As for me, just for today I think I will abandon my mask!