In this blog, we will be looking at verbal communication from the listener’s perspective. As mentioned in the previous blog, communication is a two-way process – it’s a contract between two people with a speaker and a listener. Of course, these two roles can be interchangeable, with the speaker becoming the listener, the listener becoming the speaker and vice versa. So what should the listener be doing when the speaker is speaking?

Step 1. Listening actively. What does active listening actually mean?

Well, there are three levels of listening:

Level 1: What’s in it for me? This is when the listener is only actually interested in finding out what they can get from the person rather than what they can give. What does this look, sound and feel like to you as the speaker? (Eyes darting around the room, rather than the main focus being on the speaker, fidgety, a feeling of disinterest.)

Level 2: You are watching the person and observing them but not joining in.

Level 3: This is active listening. What does this look, sound and feel like? When you are actively listening, you listen with every part of the body. You concentrate fully on the speaker, giving to them entirely and making them feel special and listened to. Be aware of your body language. Are you making eye contact, are you nodding, are you smiling with encouragement and interest? Is your mind free of other thoughts such as your response? Suspend the need to formulate a response.

Step 2. If you genuinely do not understand what the speaker is saying, take responsibility and ask for clarification. If you don’t do this, and then there is a problem later on, it is unfair to blame the speaker for the misunderstanding. In short, take responsibility for your own understanding. The person speaking may not be very articulate or good at expressing themselves. This is not an excuse.

Step 3. Confirm in writing, if it is important.

Vanessa Ugatti helps people to communicate with greater clarity, credibility and confidence so that they attract clients effortlessly, inspire their teams and achieve their business and personal goals. For more information, please contact Vanessa on 01202 743961 or email: v.ugatti@watchoutworld.net

Many years ago, when I was first learning to drive, my Father gave me some very wise advice. He said – act as if all drivers are idiots. What he meant by this was not to treat them as idiots but rather to imagine that they may do idiotic things. The purpose of this was to make sure that I was alert and therefore would not have an accident because of someone else’s poor driving.

An analogy can be drawn as far as communication is concerned. I am not for one moment suggesting that you treat people as idiots, rather you pay a lot of attention to how you communicate both from the speaker’s perspective, as well as the listener’s. Clients have frequently told me of problems which have occurred either with their clients, suppliers or staff, simply because of poor communication. All of this can be avoided when we communicate effectively.

In this blog, we will be looking at communication from the speaker’s perspective and in the next one, we will be looking at communication from the listener’s perspective.

Communication has been derived from the Latin word “communicare” meaning to share. So it’s always a two-way process with a speaker and a listener and cannot be deemed effective until the message has been received and understood. During the transmission of a spoken message, there will be three aspects occurring simultaneously. The words which are spoken, the vocal communication which includes tone of voice, pace, volume and pitch and body language including gestures, facial expression, posture, eye contact and feelings. It’s really important to say what you mean, mean what you say and show what you mean so that all three forms of communication are in alignment with one another. Otherwise, people have a tendency to believe what they see over what they hear and believe the tone of voice over the words. In summary, the speaker needs to speak in a way that the listener can understand and the listener must actively listen. The speaker and the listener are of equal importance.

So what do we need to do to make sure that we always communicate effectively?

Step 1a) When relaying information. Think about what you want to say carefully. Decide on the objective and key points you want to make and then choose language appropriate to your listener(s).

Step 1b) When soliciting information. Ask quality, open questions. What is an open question? An open question starts with what, where, when who and how and enables the speaker to give full answers to the question. (Why would also be an open question, although I would suggest that it’s not always helpful to ask such a question, as it may sound a little confrontational.) If you only ask closed questions, it is likely that you will only receive closed answers – i.e. yes or no. Of course, there may be occasions when this form of questioning is appropriate, for example, in an emergency.

Step 2. Always take the time to communicate properly. Do not rush.

Step 3. Think about how you can deliver your message in terms of the vocal communication and body language so that your listener is able to receive and understand it.

Step 4. Check their understanding by asking for feedback.

Step 5. Confirm in writing (if necessary.) This one simple step will save you much time, money and stress.

So don’t be a dictator – be a communicator.

Vanessa Ugatti helps people to communicate with greater clarity, credibility and confidence so that they attract clients effortlessly, inspire their teams and achieve their business and personal goals. For more information, please contact Vanessa on 01202 743961 or email: v.ugatti@watchoutworld.net

It’s easy to connect with someone who is smiling at you, although that connection may be quite superficial.  However, when you look deeply into a person’s eyes from your heart (with unconditional love) and not your mind (with judgement), the connection is so strong, so deep and so meaningful that smiling becomes unnecessary.  It is a soul to soul connection.

For some people, the idea of speaking in public may be as frightening as the idea of a public execution. What on earth made this blogger think of that do I hear you ask? Has she gone slightly bonkers or is it just word association – public speaking and public execution, or is it something more sinister? Fear not, all will be revealed in good time.

In fact, what prompted this train of thought was a rather eccentric lady knitting, when I was delivering a talk. In fact, she knitted throughout my talk and for most of the evening. Rather strange don’t you think and not really what one would expect at a business networking meeting.

So what do I hear you ask again has knitting got to do with anything? Well, it was the knitting that led me to the thought of public executions, as I had a vague memory of having seen or heard somewhere that in the days of such events, that’s what the women did. Although history has never been my strong point, it just goes to show how many amazing facts the mind stores for us, ready to access when something triggers it. So of course the next day, I Googled knitting and public executions and guess what? I was right. It seems to be centred around the French and in particular the time of the French Revolution (1789) http://www.enotes.com/topics/french-revolution when many aristocrats were being guillotined and the peasants watched while carrying on with their knitting.

So now back to my reason for writing this blog. First of all, a less experienced or novice speaker may well have been put off by seeing a member of the audience knitting. Why? Because in their mind, they might think that the listener was not interested in their talk and therefore that there was something wrong with it or worse still that there was something wrong with the speaker. That would, of course, just be their mind making up stories and even if it was true, so what?

For me, I barely paid it any attention and was, if anything, slightly amused. So it goes to show you that, how you look at something determines how you see it and how you see it will then determine your feelings and actions. Therefore, looking at it in a negative fashion can only produce negative results. It’s up to you to choose whether to control your mind and create positive happy thoughts or become its slave and listen to the negative ones.

To become an excellent public speaker, you must control your mind – otherwise you will be constantly buffeted by the slightest reaction by the audience which could be construed as negative.

For more information on one-to-one coaching in public speaking, communication skills and confidence-building, please contact Vanessa on 01202 743961 or email: v.ugatti@watchoutworld.net

The King is alive – long live the King!  Finally, I got round to watching the Kings Speech this weekend!  And yes, I have to agree, it was fantastic.  Colin Firth’s performance was extremely convincing and I very much enjoyed Helena Bonham-Carter as his wife.  It’s hard to imagine what it must have been like for him to have to take on the role of King with such a challenging speech impediment and by all accounts, he was also a shy man.  He worked hard to adapt to this unexpected role, particularly during the difficult years of World War Two and visited Allied armies on several battle fronts.   It does show that with the right help and persistence, anything is possible.  He was a courageous man. 

According to an article in the Telegraph last week and I quote:

“Traditional elocution lessons are making a comeback as jobseekers attempt to “soften” their regional accents and boost public speaking skills to get ahead in the workplace, according to research. Figures show the number of people seeking voice coaching has more than doubled in a year in response to the depressed jobs market. Some tutors put the rise down to the popularity of The King’s Speech, saying it prompted a renewed focus on the personal benefits of speaking clearly and effectively. Others said they had been inundated with calls from parents who fear their children are struggling to articulate themselves after spending too much time on the internet.”  See link below for the full article.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/9022649/The-Kings-Speech-sparks-resurgence-of-elocution-lessons.html.

Personally, I am delighted on several fronts.  Firstly, having been brought up to speak English correctly – my Mother was extremely hot on correct pronunciation, enunciation and grammar -  woe betide my sisters and me if we were sloppy with our speech – I am delighted that after what seems like decades, we are finally realising that speaking well is not just a nice-to-have but a must-have.  Hurrah!

Secondly, of course, as I also train people in the art of public speaking and communication, it is, in my opinion, extremely important that people are able to speak clearly in order to get their message across.  Whether it is for an interview, a business presentation, a social speech or just one-to-one meetings, speaking clearly and effectively can make the difference between being listened to or not.

As if to confirm the veracity of the article, I received a telephone call from a Mother this morning regarding her 15 year-old son.  She wants him to improve his communication skills as he already has to give presentations at school and she is aware that he does not present anywhere near as well as she would like.  He plans to go to university and wants to be a banker, so any coaching which he receives now will stand him in good stead. 

So many thanks to the Kings Speech and Colin Firth, in particular.  www.kingsspeech.com/.

People never cease to amaze and fascinate me.  We are all complex creatures and sometimes our behaviour seems to be quite contradictory.  That’s the wonder of the human being.  I had a meeting on Skype with a lady I met in October when I was speaking at the Rotary Conference in Eastbourne.  She had indicated at the time that she may need my help, although initially did not say what it was about.  It transpired that though she claims to be confident speaking in public – in fact, she said that she really enjoys it, she does not feel confident in social situations at all.  She also says that this has always been the case and that she has only ever had two friends. 

Of course her perception of what is going on and the reality will be something entirely different.  As I have said before, no doubt many times in many different ways, everything comes down to how we think and our perception of a situation.  As most of our thoughts are old thoughts and knee-jerk reactions, we are not consciously choosing what we would like and therefore are receiving the results of our programming.  So the only way to change a situation is by creating new habits. 

Creating new habits will take time – after all, it took time to create the original unwanted habit, so it would be mad to think that you could create a new desired habit without any effort.  Repetition is always the key.  I will be starting work with this lady in the New Year and I have no doubt that I will begin by looking at her thoughts and beliefs about herself  In the meantime, here are a few simple steps to change a habit:

1)    Recognise that there is a habit that you no longer want.

2)    Decide that you want to give it up.

3)    Commit to giving it up.

4)    Decide what you would like to have in its place.

5)    Decide what you would need to think/believe to bring this about.

6)    Create a suitable affirmation.

7)    Practise the affirmation frequently and regularly.

    Take the necessary actions required to change the behaviour.

9)    The key is repetition, repetition, repetition.

10)  Keep going until the new habit is automatic.

So if you want to improve your communication skills and increase your confidence, please contact Vanessa Ugatti on 01202 743961 or email: v.ugatti@watchoutworld.net.

I attended a 4networking breakfast meeting this morning (www.4networking.biz) and as usual listened closely to peoples’ 40 second elevator pitches.  Remember, this is an opportunity for you to market your business, so why would you not want to make the absolute most of it?  I am sorry to say that, in my opinion, for the most part, they were lacklustre. Typically, the following common mistakes were made:

1. Trying to say too much.
2. Lists of products/services on offer.
3. It is unclear to the listeners what the services are on offer.
4. Run over time.
5. Sounding  ill-prepared.
6. Do not mention  the benefits of product or service.
7. Delivery – too quiet, too fast, poor pronunciation, no passion.

These can easily be rectified by doing the following:

1. Be succinct with your message, less is more!
2. Choose one product/service to showcase.
3. Be clear - select one area to focus on only.
4. Prepare and practise for pace.
5. Prepare and practise for time.
6. Be clear about the benefits and results that can be obtained when using your services. WHAT IS IN IT FOR THEM?
7. Speak up, slow down, pronounce clearly and speak with passion. If you believe what you are saying, your listeners will too!

So if you want to improve your communication skills and increase your confidence, please contact Vanessa Ugatti on 01202 743961 or email: v.ugatti@watchoutworld.net.

Christmas is coming, a time of office parties, social events and …… the dreaded PUBLIC SPEAKING!

If you are expecting to be asked to stand up and speak in public this Christmas, here are ten top tips that will help you to speak with confidence – my Christmas gift to you.

1)  Have a goal and prepare in good time.

What’s the message you want to get across? If you are clear about that before you start you are much more likely to succeed.

2)  Keep it simple.

Often, a few simple words will do, and most audiences will appreciate you for keeping it brief.

3)  Take a few deep breaths before you begin.

It will help you to relax and calm your nerves.

4)  Slow down.

It takes longer for people to process what you are saying during a presentation, so keep the pace slower than in normal conversation.

5)  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

That way people will experience you as sincere and believable.

6)  Vary the tone and make sure that it matches what you’re saying

This helps to keep it interesting and makes sure that your words and your style are well matched.

7)  Use pause.

A few seconds of silence can help to add impact to what you are saying, and it also gives you time to think about what you want to say next.

  Make eye contact.

Looking your audience in the eye will help to build rapport and make it more likely that people will listen to you.

9)  Smile.

People respond very strongly to a smiling face, and it will reinforce any positive messages that you want to communicate.

  10)  Think positive thoughts.

Think of an occasion in your life when you felt very confident – it doesn’t have to be when speaking in public – to get yourself in the right frame of mind.  This can give a dramatic boost to your performance. 

To find out more, visit the Watch Out World website www.watchoutworld.net, or call me, Vanessa Ugatti, on 01202 743961 for an informal chat.

I have been a fan of listening to personal development material for a long time now and one of my favourites is Terry Cole-Whittaker who was a Science of Mind minister and became a best-selling author and motivational speaker. 

One of the things I remember her saying is no matter what size the audience is, she always gives her million dollar talk.  This is of course the right attitude to adopt.  So if you are expecting there to be 30 people in your audience and only 10 turn up, don’t let that get in the way of performing at top level.  Say to yourself, so what and then deliver the best talk you have ever done. 

This happened to me about a week ago when I was speaking at a networking event.  There were only about 8 people and someone who was supposed to be there wasn’t.  My first reaction was disappointment.  However, I remembered Terry’s words and went on to deliver an excellent talk.  I didn’t allow the small number of people present to impact on my performance.  After all, don’t those present deserve your best talk, however many people there are?  Answer:  Of course they do! 

Unfortunately, what sometimes happens is that we allow outside circumstances to control our thinking and this leads to negative feelings, if we do not stop them.  This then naturally leads to impaired performance which then feeds back into our thinking.

So remember what Terry says and always give your million dollar talk, even if there is only 1 person!  For more information on Terry, go to:http://www.terrycolewhittaker.com/Terry_Cole-Whittaker/About_Dr._Terry_.html

So if you want to improve your communication skills and increase your confidence, please contact Vanessa Ugatti on 01202 743961 or email:v.ugatti@watchoutworld.net.

On Saturday, I was driving to Shaftesbury to meet up with a friend who lives in Wiltshire when I started thinking about the fascinating subject of connection - i.e. how we sometimes connect instantly with another person.  I remember when my friend and I met at a coaching weekend and had that very experience.  In fact, she thought she recognised me, though we had never met before.  What is really interesting is that she is from the Czech Republic and is almost 20 years younger than me.  However, that has no bearing on our friendship as the connection is very strong.  The expression birds of a feather flock together or like attracts like spring to mind.  And yet, we have probably believed that these expressions referred to having a similar age, nationality, class, background, colour etc.  This is not necessarily so.  When we understand that we are pure energy vibrating at different frequencies, then we can understand that we also connect with people who are vibrating at a similar frequency.  Therefore their age, colour, class, nationality, profession etc. is of no consequence.  So how can we use this to help us speak in public with more confidence?  By looking at the audience in a different way.  Rather than seeing them as their human labels (as mentioned above), see them all as energetic beings with whom you can choose to connect.

So if you want to improve your communication skills and increase your confidence, please contact Vanessa Ugatti on 01202 743961 or email: v.ugatti@watchoutworld.net.