THE SPEAKER – PART 3 CONTINUED

The remainder of this part was all about conviction – an essential ingredient of  public speaking.  Deborah Meaden, a highly successful entrepreneur, described as an assured and compelling speaker, assigned a number of tasks, including convincing members of the public that a number of empty jars were extremely important and contained love, trust, courage, happiness or luck. 

Deborah said that the speaker must believe what he or she is saying otherwise the audience just won’t hear it.  She also added that the words, how the words are delivered and the body language must be congruent, otherwise the listeners will not be convinced.  Something which I have said on many occasions in my talks and training.  She also added that the task was not about selling the jars, rather it was about convincing people that they wanted the jars.  In other words, when we deliver a presentation or talk, we often want our audience to do something – for example, we might want them to buy our products or services or perhaps change their behaviour in some way. 

Another task was to deliver an impromptu speech about a random item taken from a dustbin of items covered in saw dust.  Jordan’s delivery was excellent, although his content was a little strange.  However, he has such amazing qualities – he’s articulate, passionate and uses pace and emphasis to ensure a clear and interesting message.  Duncan was his usual enthusiastic self and is a very likeable and infectious sort of person.  Interestingly, Deborah pointed out that he is passionate all the time and therefore there is no light or shade in his delivery.  This is an extremely valid point because without light and shade, it’s difficult, if not impossible, for the audience to know what is really important for them to remember. 

By the third episode, the number of participants had dropped to just 20 and a new task was assigned.  This time they had to convince the judges why they should be chosen to become The Speaker.  However, they had no knowledge of the subject until they arrived on stage, which, if you have not been watching was inside Wembley Stadium!  For some, this caused a negative emotional reaction and therefore had a negative impact on performance.  Impromptu or extemporaneous speaking, as it is also known, is a wonderful skill to have.*

Needless to say, we were not shown all 20 speakers, although, a number of those who we did see were pretty abysmal.  The one really shining light for me again was Duncan who is very enthusiastic and confident without being cocky.  Where a number of them went wrong was that they have clearly not understood what public speaking is all about – i.e. it’s about connecting with the audience.  It’s not about the speaker.  Many of the youngsters were repeating I this and I that ad nauseum.  As Anthony Robbins, the well-known personal development guru would say, your audience needs to be thinking “me too and not so what!”  At the end of this task, the number of participants was whittled down to 10.

*I remember when I first joined a Toastmasters speaking group being very impressed with those members who could do impromptu speaking and make it look polished and well thought out.  Part of the format always included a session where a Table Topics Master, as it is known in Toastmasters, would call upon say 6 or 7 people to speak on a variety of subjects for 1-2 minutes without prior notice.  As I was a regular member for over 4 years, I frequently participated in this part of the programme and saw my own ability to do this develop over a period of time.  As a trainer, this is a vital skill and my training in Toastmasters has stood me in very good stead.

In part 2 of The Speaker, it was more of the same stuff.  There were some good speakers and some pretty awful ones.  The one who really impressed me this time was Duncan.  He was the youngest contender at 14, although he looked no more than 12.  He had a powerful opening:  “Picture this ……”, a strong voice, good pronunciation, excellent content and was feisty and “in your face.”

In contrast, there were quite a few who forgot their words because of their nerves.  I remember years ago when I was a member of a Toastmasters club that I had a similar experience.  I had written and practised a speech so thoroughly that I knew it inside out and back to front and could recite it word perfect anywhere – in the car, in the kitchen and even in the shower.  On the evening I had to deliver it, I was so incredibly nervous that after only a couple of minutes I forgot my words.  I tried to go back to the beginning of the sentence and start again but again I could not find the words.  In the end, I gave in and went and sat down.  At that moment, I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.  I resolved that I would never learn a speech off by heart again.  About a month later, I returned to the club and delivered my speech very successfully. 

In training people in public speaking, I highly recommend that speakers learn the opening of their talk and then have key points and talk about these, without having a script.  This way, they will not be attached to remembering the exact words and therefore are much less likely to forget what they are endeavouring to say.

The first episode of The Speaker was transmitted on BBC2 yesterday evening.  It’s all about finding the best young speaker in the UK – a little bit like Pop Idol only for orators.  Around 100 had been selected to participate from several thousand.  In this first episode, they had to impress the 3 judges in just one minute.  Frankly, I was surprised at the varying levels of the speakers – from quite poor to extremely good.  Many of them clearly don’t understand the basics of public speaking and sounded quite unnatural and disjointed.  Poor pronunciation, a lack of enthusiasm and charm were the norm.

However, there were a few who stood out for me for a number of reasons.  Firstly Keke (spelling?) Facially and personality-wise he reminded me of Cassius Clay alias Mohammed Ali.  He has confidence, personality, presence and a maturity beyond his years. 

Jordan also impressed me with his excellent pronunciation (so rare in youngsters these days), pace and his use of emphasis and pause.  He also came across as confident and mature.  Maria, the Glaswegian girl was strong. 

Georgina moved me to tears.  Her one-minute speech was powerful and compelling and, although one of the judges said it was too theatrical, she most definitely got her point across.  Her opening and closing were the strongest and she used an element of surprise to get her audience’s attention.  She was talking about appreciating your parents because one day they will be gone.  Having recently lost my Father, this particularly struck a chord with me.  Unfortunately, I don’t think that she was picked to move forward in the competition, although both Keke and Jordan were.

It is some time since I have written anything on my personal journey through the grieving process.  This was because I had made so much progress and was feeling relaxed, positive about my life and thinking far less of my losses.  However, in the last week, there have been a number of milestones which have caused more emotion to surface.  Although I have probably said it in previous blogs, I will repeat that the grieving process is not linear – i.e. it can go backwards and forwards rather than in a straight line. 

So what has occurred to stir up the feelings of sadness for me?  There have been a number of things.  Firstly, about a week ago, I had to attend a meeting at the probate office to swear on the bible that the information contained in the document which we had submitted for probate purposes was true and correct.  The procedure itself was simple and yet I had not anticipated feeling so emotional about it.  I suppose it is quite natural to get upset as the realisation that the loved one is gone forever sinks in more deeply.  The sight of the will and my Father’s handwriting was a real trigger for me. 

Secondly, I had to go to Norfolk to my Aunt’s memorial service (she died about 9 weeks after my Father.)  Although I was not close to my Aunt, attending a church service of this nature brought my Father very much to the fore.  In addition, we put my Father’s house on the market, sold his car and sorted through his personal effects.  These are very big milestones in the process and again, it’s only natural to feel sad at the finality of it all.

There will no doubt be more milestones to come – Easter, his birthday on 20 April, the first anniversary of his death in October.  As I’ve said before, it’s important to understand that this is all very natural and not to judge yourself for your feelings.

If you are reading this and have suffered bereavement yourself, I wish you well in your grieving process and may you come to terms with your loss sooner rather than later.